People always say to me, “If I had five kids, I’d drink all the time.”

Look, I drink to excess once a year, usually during football season. Why once a year? Because I’m woken up the next morning by a 2-year-old sticking a wet wintergreen LifeSaver on my face. And then I have to get up. And deal with five kids. And within 15 seconds, I’ve temporarily learned my lesson. 

So, no you wouldn’t. Trust me.

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